Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
