i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
