Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
