im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Nicole vs. Life
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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