Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
