I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
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I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
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By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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