we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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