Plan B is the new Plan A
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
