Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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