Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm at about main and main street
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
