I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I lost the right to judge tonight
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
