You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
