You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
