I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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