You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
