how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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