i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
