dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
