well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize