When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
