Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
