I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
