He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
