If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
