and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
