Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
