Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
