So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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