Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
