Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
BRING THE BAGELS
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
