Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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