YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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