Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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