I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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