you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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