Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
