..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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