dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
