i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
