the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
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Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
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he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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