if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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