i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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