worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize
