just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Randomize
