there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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