How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
