So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
