Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
