Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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