I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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