You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
