Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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