rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Randomize
