you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
