just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I am midnight drunk by noon
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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