If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
