I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
